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Issue #1164: The Cuban Nipple Crisis

Issue #1164: The Cuban Nipple Crisis

Feb 16, 2022
Marty's Ƀent

Issue #1164: The Cuban Nipple Crisis

Nipples. Nipples are a subject your Uncle Marty did not expect to be covering in this rag. But alas, here we are, freaks.


If you've been reading the Bent over the last few weeks you are well aware that the ongoing Freedom Convoy in Canada has been a heavy topic of discussion around these parts. We've mainly been focusing on the increasing financial censorship and how bitcoin - if used correctly - cannot be made to bend to the will of Authoritarians who want you to act in a certain way. The free advertising for bitcoin only seems to be getting better by the day as the Canadian government doubles and triples down on their incompetence.

However, we meet in this dark corner of the Internet today to zoom out, remove ourselves from the fog of war and take a look at the man who is at the helm of the Canadian federal government from an undisclosed location, Justin Trudeau. He hit the world stage by being elected the Prime Minister of Canada in late 2015 after many years spent climbing the ranks of the Liberal party following a short-lived career as a public school Drama teacher. A true underdog story if you wholly discount the fact that his "father" was the Prime Minister of Canada in the early 1980s.

"Why did you put the word 'father' in quotations, Uncle Marty?" you ask. Well freaks, it's because, frankly, I don't really think the man who we are led to believe is Justin Trudeau's father, Pierre Trudeau, is actually his father. And this is where the nipples come in. As you can see from the picture at the top of this issue, Justin Trudeau can be seen standing shirtless with a tilted head, an angsty shoulder tattoo, and what appear to be brown nipples.

"Alright, you're freaking us out now. Why are you highlighting this."

Well, if we are to believe that Pierre Trudeau is the biological father of Justin Trudeau via procreation with Margaret Trudeau, we would be staring at a picture of a man with pink nipples. Pierre is a French Canadian from Montreal and Margaret was born in Vancouver with a father of Scottish descent and a mother whose family reigned from Manitoba. Those bloodlines, when crossed, should produce progeny with pale skin and pink nipples. However, in the case of Justin this is not what has materialized. Which begs the question, "What the hell is up with his nipples?"

If you do a bit of digging you'll find that Margaret Trudeau was a bit of a wild card who became pretty fond of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro in the early 1970s. Right around the time when Justin entered the world. There are even rumblings, backed by interestingly timed Trudeau family vacations to the Caribbean that may have included stops in Cuba, that Margaret may have engaged in an out-of-wedlock relationship with Mr. Castro. Long story short, Justin Trudeau could possibly be the son of the late dictator and video and photographic evidence makes a very compelling case that this may, in fact, be the truth.

Below is a short clip and a collage that your Uncle Marty would like to present to the court of public opinion as evidence.

Who's your daddy?

Now, these pieces of evidence aren't DNA tests, but... come on. Take a look at the three men pictured at different stages of their lives above and ask yourself who you would think are the father-son duo out of the group without having any previous knowledge of their names or historical significance. Your Crazy Uncle Marty trusts his eyes and his eyes are telling him that it seems more likely the that two gentlemen on the right side of the collage are related and the man on the left side is a cuck.

Why does any of this matter when it comes to the current events unfolding in Canada? It probably doesn't really matter in the context Justin's response to working class Canadians standing up and demanding that they be shown dignity by being able to exercise their God given rights to bodily autonomy. But, it highlights the absurdity of the clown world we find ourselves living in.

Justin Trudeau, an automaton who parrots Orwellian talking points emanating from the World Economic Forum and has no real connection with the Common Man of his country, has either risen to the rank of Prime Minister after being born on third base with a father who was Prime Minister in the early 1980s, or risen to the rank of Prime Minister after being born on third base with a "father" who was Prime Minister in the early 1980s and also happens to be the son of former Communist dictator Fidel Castro. You can't make this shit up.


A real take on bitcoin if that's what you come here for; it will be interesting to see if Intel delivers in a massive way when they release their ASIC to the public. With Square and GRIID already inked to purchase a large amount of the available supply it seems like there might be some meat on the bone they are currently advertising. Will the release of their ASIC throw a wrench in the business plans of well established miners who have hitched their wagons to Bitmain and MicroBT? Will Antminers and Whatsminers that have been recently delivered and are planned to be delivered throughout the course of this year and next year have the lifespan that is expected? We shall see. This is something to keep a close eye on throughout the rest of the year.

Final thought...

I can't believe I went there. Actually, yes I can. Who are we kidding?


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